Explain the Unexplained
by Icebreathstar
Summary: All the crazy, wacky, and just plain weird things you never thought to think of! Including: Do pegasi wear horseshoes? Is Buford the Table really in love? What do the spiders think of Annabeth? and Exactly how many boobytraps are there in Ares Cabin? If there's something you wonder about, review and tell me. It will be explained… T for possible screaming at spiders and boobytraps.
1. In which Buford might be in love

**What's up, PJO and HoO fans? I'm back with a new story. This is my first attempt at writing humor, so don't trash me too badly. You can review even if you're not a member, so please do! I personally review each and every story I read, on each and every chapter. It makes my day when you do. Those that do review, know that you have whopping huge thanks and a virtual hug. So take the time to post a smiley face or whatever in the reviews section and make a writer happy, OK? Also for Warriors fans, I write Warriors fan fics too so go check them out on my profile, as well as a romance one shots series for PJO and HoO. So sit back, relax, and review at the end of each chapter. :)**

**Disclaimer: **

**Me: Hey, Repair Boy, who do you and all PJO and HoO characters and quotes belong to?**

**Leo: Rick Riordan, of course! You're not quite cool enough to create me….**

**Me: Thank you. I think. **

_'Annabeth hadn't seen much of Buford during the trip. He mostly stayed in the engine room. (Leo insisted that Buford secretly had a crush on the engine.)… _

_"This is Buford," Leo announced._

_"You name your furniture?" Frank asked._

_Leo snorted. "Man, you just wish you had furniture this cool…."'_

_-The Mark of Athena_

"Buford!" My voice echoed through the engine room of the unfinished _Argo ll_. I climbed up and stared around Bunker nine. "Buford, where are you?!" No answer. I needed his help with one teeny jammed power line that I couldn't get to. Maybe didn't want to get to is more accurate. Whichever didn't matter, since he was nowhere to be found. Figures. I went back down and contemplated the spot where Buford could go and I couldn't. It was tiny- but just big enough for him to get through. It widened up after the entrance, though. The problem was that it was deep. Like really deep. Whereas Buford could've just busted out his helicopter blades, I could maybe, just reach the top standing on tip-toes. But there was nothing else to do, so after attaching a rope to a chair and dangling it down the hole, I eventually managed to squeeze myself into it (Why didn't I make it bigger when I designed it?!) and got the power line unjammed. When I tried to climb up the rope, the chair it was tied to fell over. Shoot.

Forty-five minutes later, I had a major cramp and was still stuck. I was sure I'd missed dinner by the rumble in my stomach, so I wondered why they hadn't come looking for me yet. Of course, I missed dinner so often working on the _Argo ll _that they probably weren't surprised.

"Leo!" I knew that voice!

"Jason! Help!" I yelled as loud as I could. Another familiar voice, filled with charmspeak, echoed towards me.

"Leo Valdez, come out!" My mind fogged up with magic as I tried to do what she asked, but to no avail. As my head cleared, I yelled irritably,

"Don't you think I've been trying, Beauty Queen?" Gods, she can be dense once in a while.

"Where are you?" Jason sounded closer.

"Engine room! Hurry it up, Superman!" I replied. "Do you know how long I've been stuck?" Piper's face appeared over the hole.

"Um, a long time?"

I held up my arms and they began to heave me out.

"Do you think you can get me out a little less painfully? Yowch!"

"Why are you stuck anyway?" Jason asked, grunting as I finally slid all the way out of the hole.

"Don't you think you could have been a little earlier?" I moaned.

"I'm starving and had this awful cramp. I felt like I was gonna blow up!"

"Sorry." He muttered in an unapologetic tone of voice.

"Uh-huh." I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm. "Anyways, Buford was supposed to help me with this jammed power line, but I couldn't find him anywhere! So I figured I'd just do it by myself. Stupid table can't ever show up when I need him! And lately I've been extra nice and polished him with Pledge with extra moisturizer, like, daily since the Windex Incident!" I complained.

"Wow, that's weird." Piper commented. Buford will generally do anything for you if you polish him regularly. I snorted.

"Yeah, no kidding. Do you think they have leftovers?"

Buford was back in the engine room by next morning, but a few days later he disappeared again. However, I somehow managed not to repeat the Leo-Gets-Stuck-And-Is-Embarrassed-By The-Stoll-Brothers-For-Weeks maneuver. Connor asked me why I hadn't just used my fire powers to melt and burn my way out, so I had to explain in a scathing tone of voice that

"Man, don't you think there'll be enough monsters to destroy my ship without me destroying it myself?" Whereupon he promptly turned red and Travis started laughing hysterically. I sighed in exasperation (I mean, they're worse than I am!) and went back to eating my enchilada. The next day Buford went missing again, and I decided to talk to Festus the Happy Dragon Head about what was wrong with my magic table. Hey, you never know. Recently revived Celestial Bronze dragon automatons can be pretty smart. Sure enough, he immediately started creaking and whirring his teeth like there was no tomorrow.

"Whoa! Slow down, man! Repeat slowly," I instructed him. Festus slowly, carefully repeated his message.

"Wait, you think what?! You sure, boy?" He gave assent.

"Oh man." I said. "I gotta talk to Piper, like, now."

I found Jason, Annabeth, and Piper on the lake pier, discussing the plans for going to Camp Jupiter _again_. I would've thought they'd memorized them by now.

"Hey, Piper!" I called. They turned and Annabeth gasped.

"Gods, Leo! You're on fire again! Put yourself out!"

"Shoot!" I quickly patted my hair out.

"Sorry. I'm kinda freaked out. Piper, you're the love expert, right? Since you have the whole 'I am a Child of Aphrodite! Bow before my sense of style and let me give you a makeover!' thing?" I asked. Piper frowned.

"Leo!"

"What, can't you take a joke?" I muttered.

"Just get on with it!" Annabeth demanded impatiently.

"Okay, okay! So I know this sounds crazy, but Buford has a crush on the _Argo ll_'s engine." I announced. Jason started laughing.

"That's a good one, Leo! But this is no time for jokes. We all have work to do."

"No, seriously, man! I have proof!" I insisted. "It all connects like the little wires that will make the engine spark! He keeps disappearing, making me shine him all the time, plus Festus says that's where he goes-" Piper frowned, and cut me off.

"What's where he goes?"

I groaned. "To the engine! Apparently he flies up-"

"Hey, wait, Buford flies?" Jason interrupted.

"That's not the point! He flies up to where I can't find him and gets engrossed in sweet-talking the engine!" I continued, until Annabeth cut in, saying,

"Do you know how weird that sounds? He's a table. I don't think tables can sweet-talk."

"Yeah, I know, and can you not interrupt?" I said. "But Festus said so, and I trust him. Piper, can you come and try to charmspeak Buford into not disappearing? Please?"

"All right, but Festus is a dragon. Are you sure he's right?" She asked skeptically.

"Positive." I replied. She looked at me like she didn't believe me, so I, naturally, blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"I swear on all my enchiladas!" Annabeth looked at me strangely.

"Have you been hanging out with Grover?" I looked at her, askance.

"Who?" She just shook her head.

"Just an old friend I haven't seen in a while." Piper and I headed off to Bunker Nine. She told Buford that he wasn't allowed to spend so much time with the engine. Sure enough, Buford didn't disappear again. I gave him time off to be with the engine whenever we weren't working. I'm still not sure how a TableXEngine relationship would work, but I guess they figured it out. My biggest satisfaction was that when Buford heard that the Stolls laughed at me because I got stuck when I couldn't find him, he helped me place rotten, explosive eggs all around and in Hermes Cabin while they slept. Of course we had some spies that placed the specially modified eggs inside, with the condition that they would get out of the egging. The second the lights turned on in the morning, I hit a little button and _pooft! _They never knew what hit them. _Buuurn! _Or maybe…. _Stiiink!_

**So, what did you think? I'm not sure I did the amazing Leo Valdez justice, but oh well. I will be looking for ideas, so feel free to let rip with all sorts of cool stuff. Also, I will look for quotes from the books for each subject. For the Ares booby-traps chapter I already have one, as well as the Annabeth and spiders one. However I'm pretty sure Rick never mentions pegasi and horseshoes, but if you find a quote, tell me and I'll definitely use it. Review and tell me what you think. ;) Should I continue? You decide…..**

**-Icebreathstar**


	2. In which I have an Idea

**A/N: Okay, so I had an Idea! This is my idea: this will be like a magazine: Explain the Unexplained is the name, and each topic is an issue. Every 4 issues, there is a Special Edition, which is when there is an interview live on Hephaestus TV. The magazine issues are in story form, written from one person's point of view so it looks like they wrote it. The first issue, 'Buford', was written as told to Icebreathstar by Leo Valdez, Son of Hephaestus. This next issue, 'Spider' is written as told to Icebreathstar by Annabeth Chase, Daughter of Athena. You get the point. Each Special Edition show will be written from my point of view as the interviewer. I will be in "Ice" mode, meaning I will be my avatar. In case you didn't know, my online me is a cat. I will be addressed by the PJO characters as Ice. I have cleared this up on the first chapter, as I just thought of this because I want to do some "Show" format but not all the time. The first chapter now says things like 'Issue One' and so on. So I hope you like this idea. Also, please feel free to submit interview questions for the Special Editions. I'll need them. The First Special Edition will be: 'In Which We Interview Blackjack To See If Pegasi Wear Horseshoes'. We will find out if they do, but that will just be the main question. Any other awesome questions will be featured. In it will be Blackjack the Pegasus, with Percy Jackson, Son of Poseidon, as Interpreter. **

**PS. **

**Sorry I haven't posted for forever, but I had this finished and then realized that I would be cruel to post it without a chapter, so 'Spider' is up next. Thanks for reading this ridiculously long A/N, too. Oops, sorry. I'll shut up now so you can get to that next chapter. **

**-Icebreathstar**


	3. In which the spider hates Annabeth too

**A/N: here's issue two! I can't find my quote from MoA and my idiot big brother has to do homework on the computer, so I'm having to skip that bit. **

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: Augustus, disclaimer.**

**Augustus: You do not own any characters, settings, or anything like that. Except me. You kinda made me up.**

**Me: Thank you, Augustus. You're very helpful. *yells into background* Unlike some people I know!**

**Leo: Geez, I said sorry...**

* * *

_Issue 2_

"Aaaaaaggghhhhh! Spider!"

"Aaaaaaggghhhhh! Athena Child!"

"Aaaaah! The spider spoke!"

"Aaaaah! The human is yelling!"

"This is a nightmare! This is so a nightmare! I hate spiders!"

"Yup, this is definitely a nightmare! I hate Athena Children!"

"Ahhhh! Why is it saying things! I am so freaked out!"

"Ahhhh! Why is it still yelling! My microscopic spider ears hurt!"

I was so shocked that I stopped screaming. Malcom came through the mesh curtain separating the girls' section from the boys'.

"Annabeth, what's the mat- Aaaaaaggghhhhh! Spider! I'll get it!" I waved my arm hastily.

"Noooo! DO NOT GET IT!"

"Why?" Malcom had a huge bronze sword (held up like a fly swatter) that looked like it belonged in Ares Cabin. It probably did. By now the rest of my siblings had woken up and were frozen in terror. Malcom repeated his question.

"Why can't I get it? It's a _spider,_ Annabeth." I glared at him frostily.

"I was aware of that, Malcom. The spider is sitting on my _nose._ _That_ is why you cannot get it. Put that colossal bug swatter down and get a jar." He stared at me. "NOW! Need I remind you IT'S ON MY NOSE!" He scrambled to get a jar. He found a see-through-mechanism enabled Celestial bronze jar, with a Zeus' Bolt Firepower restraining lid. I struggled not to scream, but really, I couldn't help it. Spiders are all Athena Children's number one fear. Meanwhile the spider realized it was surrounded by Athena's children (apparently a spider's number one fear) and began screaming again. My siblings shrieked and fought to get out the door. The spider continued screaming after we were the only living things in the Cabin. Finally I'd had enough.

"SHUT IT!" Dead silence. The spider could understand me. This was so a nightmare.

"I need to uh, go, like right now, so I'll see you later, uh, bye!" The spider tried to make a quick get-away and the only thing that made me stop it was the fact that it could talk, coupled with the fact that it had said

"I'll see you later," something I decidedly DID NOT want.

"It is my imagination being freaked out, or did you talk?" I asked the spider, even though I felt both silly and repulsed. I fought the urge to scream yet again as it squirmed in my grasp. This was so not a nightmare. It felt WAY too real.

"Is it my imagination or did you just ask a question? People don't ask spiders questions, they either scream and run away from spiders, or scream and try to squash spiders." I beckoned Malcom, the only sibling that hadn't fled, to hand me the jar. He did, slowly, his eyes fixated on the spider.

"ESPECIALLY Athena Children. They can't abide us, we can't abide them." The spider shuddered, too caught up in imagining a repulsive Athena Child to notice the fact that I had the jar 4 inches away from it.

"But, hey, YOU'RE an Athena child aren't you-" And the jar was clapped firmly over it's head. I banged the lid on as fast as I can. The little spider's voice was muffled as it wailed about the unfair streak in every Athena child ever born, and the fact that all things related to Athena were…

"Rotten, rotten, and more rotten!" Ten minutes later, we were up at the Big House gathered around the Ping-Pong table. The senior counselors were staring at the spider, which was still in the jar, (see-through-mechanism enabled) with a mixture of awe and horror as I recounted my tale as accurately as I could, Percy's arm around my shoulders in a sympathetic way. I glanced at him gratefully. Travis and Connor Stoll looked up and, to my horror began laughing hysterically.

"You're saying you woke us all up at 1:30 in the morning because of a talking _spider?_" Connor was rolling on the ground as Travis asked his question while trying to hold himself up on the table. The spider started yelling in indignation. "What, you trying to say I'm not worth waking up for?! Now let me out!" Connor pointed at the jar, see-through mechanism enabled.

"You nailed it, spidey!"

"Hey, my name is not 'Spidey', it is Augustus Montagne Reblicorto Ageratum Falunto the eighth! Now let me out!" Percy held up his finger.

"Wait, your name's _what?_"

"Augustus Montagne Reblicorto Ageratum Falunto the eighth! Now let me out!" Percy promptly joined the Stoll brothers on the floor. I stared at them in disgust. "Chiron, the point is, this could be a mini-monster!" He nodded sagely and addressed the spider.

"Spider-"

"HOW MANY TIMES! My name is Augustus Montagne Reblicorto Ageratum Falunto the eighth, but you can call me Augustus."

"Well. Augustus, are you here at the camp for a reason?" I could tell by the look on Chiron's face that addressing a spider by its name was a first even for him.

"No, ABSOLUTLY not!" Our faces relaxed visibly. Even Percy and the Stolls had stopped laughing to hear the spid-Augustus' announcement.

"NO WAY did I get SENT in here or anything like that! I was absolutely not sent by anyone to freak out the Athena Cabin and I did not get lost! Or I thought I got lost, but I guess I didn't. Even though Mister Connor was very clear about the directions. And I wasn't sure whether Mister Travis said the third bed down the row, or the fourth." The third bed down was mine. The worst part was that the spi- Augustus didn't even notice he was spilling the beans. The spider-Augustus looked up to see two very red faces glaring at him.

"Oh, hi, Misters Travis and Connor! What are you doing here?" The sp-Augustus' question went unheeded as I gave the Stolls my best Death Glare.

"Uhh, I gotta go!"

"So do I!" But not even the sons of the god of speedsters could outrun me. I'd just like to say that they finally told me, with a bit of… mmm, persuasion, that they got the talking potion from an unknowing Hecate camper, and that it would only last 24 hours. I was very glad, because when you're talking about listening to a spid- Augustus' opinions on the audacity of Athena Children, and the awfulness of Athena Children, forever would be too much for even The Fields of Punishment. Let's just say he wasn't a neutral party.

Written as told to Icebreathstar by Annabeth Chase, Daughter of Athena.

**So I hoped you liked it, and don't forget to review! ;)**


	4. In which booby-traps are triggered

**A/N: Welcome to Issue Three of EtU, and I hope you like it! Reminder: Next chapter is the first Special Edition show on HephaestusTV (topic: do Pegasi wear horseshoes?) Please review and send in questions for Percy and Blackjack. **

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: Clarisse, action!**

**Clarisse: What are you, a movie director?**

**Me: Do the disclaimer. And no, I'm not a movie director.**

**Clarisse: What's a disclaimer anyway?**

**Me: It's where you say I do not own PJO, Rick Riordan does. **

**Clarisse: Alright. I do not own PJO, Rick Riordan does.**

**Me: …**

**Me Again: No. Say ****_You_****. You do not own PJO, Rick Riordan does.**

**Clarisse: ****_You. _****Youdo not own PJO, Rick Riordan does.**

**Me: I think she does this to get at me. I'm going crazy.**

**Clarisse: *laughs evilly* There's a reason I'm a daughter of Ares.**

**Management: ****_We're sorry, the author has officially gone crazy. Please sit back, relax, and enjoy the chapter. _**

_Issue 3_

Sometimes I hate my job. Okay, it's not really a job, but I couldn't stand anyone else bossing me around, so I stay head counselor of the Ares Cabin, even though fighting off Aphrodite girls trying to give me a makeover is giving me a run for my money.

"Clarisse!" I turn around, growling under my breath.

"What do you want, Prissy? Can't you see I'm busy?" _This could be my chance to get away. I hope he wants to wrestle. I'll flatten him again._ Percy Jackson's green eyes regard me warily.

"Um, cabin inspection. What did you think?"

I groan.

The only thing worse than having inspection is having inspection with someone besides Annabeth. Every time someone different does inspection, we have to guide them through our traps. At least Annabeth, annoying as she is, bothers to memorize where our regulars are. Of course, new ones crop up every, day… but still, she does try.

This time, I made everyone clean up. I'm tired of being the lowest score on the inspection sheet, and am determined to get it right.

"Let's go, Prissy." I lead him up to the start.

"Step _only _where I step. Ares Cabin is not to be messed with." He looks at me again, offended.

"It's _Percy,_ not Prissy. How many times."

"Whatever, _Prissy._" He mutters something that sounds suspiciously like,

"Worse than Mr. D…." I ignore it, and pause as we near the first row of mines. "Pay attention." I expertly hop across. _Hmm_, I think. _Left one, up one. Right two, up one. Left three, up two. Up four diagonal, right two…. Hah! Beat that, Prissy. _I turn triumphantly.

"Did you catch all that?" He inspects the ground.

"I'm not sure you tossed it, but let me guess before I jump and get blown up: Probably left one, up one, right two, up one, left three, up two, up three diagonal, right three." I'm surprised that he managed to guess nearly all right, but he's still dead meat, as far as I'm concerned. Nearly just doesn't cut it.

"Wrong, Prissy. The last two are: up four diagonal, right two. Nice try." Wordlessly, he hops across. As he nearly stumbles on the second to last hop, I catch his arm. Annabeth would kill me if I let her boyfriend get blown up.

"Next up, wrecking pits." I announce. Percy looks at me funny.

"Excuse me?"

"You know, the part where we have the wrecking balls swinging over the hidden pits." I smirk at his obvious confusion. We were only about ten feet from the door. No way there was enough room for pits and large rubber balls, plus the balls would have to swing on something, and there was nothing, right? Wrong! The balls swing out of nowhere to hit you in the back. Don't ask. I got Hephaestus Cabin to do it. As I got to the seven feet away mark, a bit of chalk on the ground, I counted three seconds. _Three one thousand….and first ball coming up… duck! Jump over pit No. one… crouch… jump again, one more ball….and five seconds…. Duck! There!_

I laugh, turning, expecting to find an astounded Prissy not sure what to do. Instead, he's already halfway across. I see the second rubber, but still heavy and bruising, ball headed toward the back of his spine.

"Percy, 6:00!" I warn him half-heartedly. He ducks, but not quick enough. The ball catches his head and he is knocked into a pit of dirty water. I sneer and laugh out loud.

"Not so high-and-mighty, are you now?" Suddenly a blast of water sends me careening back into the red cabin door.

"I think you forgot something. I'm the son of Poseidon." My favorite blood-red shirt is soaked. I growl.

"Let's just go." I'll get him back in a minute. I open the cabin doors, by whispering the secret password. And no, I won't tell you what it is. I look at him with disdain. "Don't go anywhere. The floor is primed to explode with mud if someone not entered into the DNA system steps farther than the doormat." As he looks around and makes notes on his pad of paper, I sneak over and subtly manage to press the molasses button hidden on my nightstand. As Percy walks first through the door, a primed bucket of molasses spills over him. It might sound more like Hermes Cabin than Ares Cabin, but still. Payback is payback, and day-permanent molasses should do the trick. "Clarisse, I hate to say, this, but I'm afraid I have to give you a one for inspection today. Mostly everything is clean, but unfortunately there is, for some reason, a large amount of molasses on the floor. I trust you'll scrub it up, right? Well, things to do, places to go. And I think I'll wash myself off in your obliging water pit on the way out. You don't mind, do you?" _Prissy_ strolls out of the cabin whistling the Pirates of the Caribbean theme. Stupid Poseidon, water powers are idiotic. It would have worked on anyone else.

Written as told (with much reluctance) to Icebreathstar by Clarisse LaRue

**A/N: No, I'm not crazy. Leo, being an awesome genius, is not so awesomely hijacking my typing. Oh well. Everyone with an account who reviews in the first three days this chapter is posted gets a chapter preview via PM! So review. Hope you enjoyed!**

**Also thanks to fabulous reviewers! **

**Thanks to fabulous followers and favoriters:**

**legoinaries**

**metheperson7**

**And to all who just read! :)**

**-Icebreathstar**


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